Challenge of Creating

Live to Create  |  The Fresh Exchange

image type by Megan Gilger

Some days you need to get some things out and I woke up today feeling my introspective self needing to get real.

As a creative I go through serious times of self-doubt or feeling I am not doing enough. These last few weeks have been challenging. Returning to the states and seeing everything in a new way than I did before, rediscovering a rhythm, beginning to restructure Hitch, keeping up with the blog, finishing lots of projects, handling some really tough business decisions, and oh yeah realizing Christmas is only 5 days away. I know there is little honesty out there in the creative/blog world about struggles and you all know I like to keep it real.  I get a lot of emails asking how I make it all happen. The truth really is I don’t know and I don’t think I do.

There is this slight fear in me to share that exact answer, but I know I need to acknowledge this and be honest with myself. Keeping up with it all is no easy task and I don’t want to pretend that I am good at it, because I rather suck at it. I am right brained till it hurts and organization is not a strong suit. Not to mention my extreme optimism in life keeps me thinking I am making it all happen.

Since coming back from our travels I have seen a shift in how I want life to be. There is a stillness I have never learned as a creative. I find that if I am not constantly making, planning, doing than I feel little success. I live to create and I create to live. It feeds me in a way I never realized till recently.

For the last 2 weeks I have felt as if life is kind of this constant tornado. I cannot keep it under control and there are too many things pulling in too many directions. If you have emailed or called me in the last 2 weeks or more I am sure you have noticed my lack of existence. I don’t like it and as much as I would love to say I just need more structure I know myself well enough to know that is not the case. So much of me wants to be great at it all from the blog, to the business, to blog brunch, to being a wife, to some a day a mom, and even just simply the domestic things. I am not saying I need perfection or if there is such a thing, but what I want is to figure out what I want the most in this amazing beautiful life.

This last year has been a huge success in my mind more than half my goals have been met personally and in business (mostly in business — can we say balance?! I clearly have priorities) but I think what I am finding is any creative knows I lack clear focus. This is where I know no app suggestion will help me. This is an introspective-let’s-get-real-about-this-kind-of-shit thing.

So my goal over this coming holiday weekend and week is to get honest with myself. To ask the tough questions about where is the blog going? What are the goals? Where has it diverted and is that a good thing? What about side projects? Which ones are right which ones are worth moving on from?

The business is a whole other thing in the best of ways. I have never felt so much clarity in it since beginning Hitch and I am anxious to share what is coming in the next year. There is a firmness I never could exist as a small-business owner. This could be why I am feeling I need more clarity on these other parts of life.

I hope you all don’t think this is too real or too honest I get scared to write these posts, but I know as a creative I love hearing about the struggles of other creatives and that things are not all puppies and bubble gum. There are too many happy faces that I know have similar struggles and I don’t want to fake it with you all or be too debbie-downer either, just real. This is why to me it is so important to have a group of people you trust who understand the realness of owning a business, creating, and chasing a dream. You need people to tell you you are not crazy, that you are in the right direction, and even when it is not working.

So bring on the snow and the bad roads, cause I got thoughts to mull over and a bottle of wine that is going to talk me through it all. Happy Thursday my friends! You mean the world to me.

Leave a comment

  1. Thanks so much for sharing your struggles. I think we all try to put on such a brave face, saving our moments ( days, weeks, months, even! ) of doubt only for those closest to us. Thank you for reassuring us all that we are not alone!

  2. Don’t ever be scared to post blogs like this because this is why you’re blog has quickly become one of my favorites. I just don’t resonate with so many of the other creative/design blogs out there but yours is completely different; it’s beautiful visually and raw and authentic emotionally.

    I wish we could meet in person and talk this all through over a cup of coffee because I know EXACTLY how you are feeling. I have been freelancing for 5 years and am still constantly feeling the need to change thins or wonder if I’m doing it all right. For example I recently launched a stationery company and have quickly realized I came at it all wrong because I was trying to compete with other larger companies instead of just doing what felt right to me; so I am going to revamp it all. It sucks and is scary and costly but I have to be true to me.

    But I digress… you may still feel like you have some growing and molding and changing to do and I’m sure you do, you’ll be doing that for the rest of your life but from what I can see you are on the right track and you’re doing so much right. Your blog is truly one of the most unique, interesting and “fresh” ones out there; amongst ALL blogs and most definitely amongst design/creative blogs.

    I love it and feel like we are friends even though we’ve never met and shouldn’t that be how people feel when they read our blog? Not like they think they’re so awesome and have so much to teach us because they can pull off the miracle none of the rest of us can and have achieved total balance, organization and perfection. But that they are our friends and have the same doubts, insecurities and struggles as we do.

    Okay sorry for the long comment but I just loved this post so much and your blog in general. 🙂

  3. This is so timely, Megan. I too have been recognizing that I live to create, attaching far too much of my self worth to I produce or achieve. I admire your vulnerability in sharing your struggles with us. Know that you aren’t alone, and that the real deal reflection and priority assessing you are doing can and will help you immensely!!

  4. Thank you Megan from the bottom of my heart for sharing your deep thoughts!

    I’m going through similar transition and I must admit that the fears, the struggles and the insecurities are my fellow friends, I’m often ashamed of. My bigger frustration is the feeling that I’m close to what I aspire, but I still can see and define it clearly, spinning around.

    Thanks again for your honesty, and sorry for my English, it’s not my mother tongue 🙂

  5. This is why I love your blog. As much as I love your creative side, I want to know your raw, emotional side too. This bussiness isn’t easy and we’re all human here. There are a lot of people who aren’t talking about issues like this on their blog and it gives people like me the impression their life is somehow perfect. I love to know you’re just like me and if I’m lucky I can have a succesful blog someday, too. Thank you so much for this post, you’re such an inspiration. Happy holidays and I wish you the best for 2013 xoxo

  6. These words are beautiful. It is beyond refreshing to hear honesty. As creatives, I think it is so easy to get caught up in comparison and feeling like we aren’t measuring up. It is nice to hear someone admit that no one is perfect and this is something we all struggle with, no matter how much we try to ignore it. Thank you thank you!

  7. I love your real. We creatives need to stick together and be supportive. You are on the right track, Megan! Your work is beautiful. Your writing is inspiring. Your photos are like a pretty magazine. Keep up the good work!

  8. It seems to be the right time of year for introspection and reorganization. I’ve been doing it to. A lot. It’s always hard to make the changes you need, but if you’re 100% honest, you know you’ll always end up somewhere better. I’m glad you shared how things are REALLY going for you. 🙂 Keep up your awesome creating!

  9. hey friend. i’m really grateful for your honesty today. many of the things you said fell right in line with how i’ve been feeling lately too and like you i think my recent travels are a main culprit of the questioning i’ve been doing of everything in life. i like you have no answer for balancing it all as i completely suck at that and i too need to make A LOT of REALLY hard decisions in the coming weeks. maybe we could skype and lean on each other for support during these tough transitions?? wishing you a very merry holiday week and hoping you gain that clarity you are seeking. miss you!

  10. I am relatively new to reading your blog and have loved what I’ve seen so far. I thinks it’s exciting to come in as you are growing. I love reading posts that are open and honest like this, thanks for sharing. I look forward to following your growth and hearing your story.

  11. Megan, I’m bummed that I didn’t get to chat with you more when you were here. I would have loved to talk about this kind of stuff with you. Creatives have so many interests, and that’s the awesomeness of it as well as the struggle.

    It’s funny, while I’m good at helping other people figure out how to organize their minds, I stare at my own computer screen sometimes and feel nothing but overwhelmed. It’s paralyzing sometimes.

    Thank you so much for sharing this. I’ll see you in January! Hopefully we can chat more then. xoxo

  12. This is probably one of my favorite posts that you have written. Clearly I am 7 days late in checking my RSS feed, yet another stress to add to my plate. Your post is so inspiring and exactly what I needed to read as I am eternally optimistic about what I can handle, even though my fiancé assures me it’s ok to admit that I’m overwhelmed–never! Thank you for sharing, I truly appreciate the honesty 🙂

    1. Oh Sarah! I am sure this will make you feel even better…I haven’t checked my RSS in over 6 months…I pretty much gave up and realized I needed to focus on what I was doing before I could focus on what others were doing. I love seeing other people’s posts and I check on them via twitter and facebook, but RSS is a lot to keep up with. I hear ya! So glad you caught this one and found it inspiring.

  13. Bring on the real! I’m just at the end of a 10 day offline break and it’s been heavenly. I have grown my blog so much over the past year and have so many ideas for the new one. Creative overload!

    Finding that elusive balance is a struggle. Deciding what to prioritise. Seeing what is attainable in the time that I have.

    We are never “there”, right? But we can try and succeed and sometimes fail but most of all, share with each other. And support each other.

    See you at Alt in a few weeks!

    1. Sandra what an amazing idea!!! I love that you fully took a 10 day offline break!! Serious I would love to hear more about what that did for you. I have such a hard time even thinking about doing that and I know I need to do it. On the weekends I really try to stay away from the computer, work, and my phone but it is still hard even then.

      I am so excited to see you at Alt!! I think it is going to be amazing!!!